This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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