Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
