I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
