you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
