That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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