did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
