do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
