I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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