my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
