hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
