So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
