I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
