I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
