"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
