She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
