Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it wasn't lemon gatorade
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
