this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my poor anus
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
