i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
