My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
