Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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