when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
