Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
