I am puke
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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