i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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