This girl is more easily done than said...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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