Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
