We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
