He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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