i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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