I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
