I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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