make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
