he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
