The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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