i wish there were pregnant emoticons
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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