i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
