I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
