You can't special order awesome
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
