take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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