doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
