I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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