she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just gargled with NyQuil
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
