Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
