Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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