D3 body, D1 cock
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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