how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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