btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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