I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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