I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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