It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
