What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
